I Gotta' Have Faith

I recently joined an online book club.  It's awesome because there are about 100 people reading different books and then talking about what they read.  It's fun to see how everyone felt about the different characters and situations.  Also, because different people are reading and discussing different books you get an idea of whether or not you want to read it. 

I recently discovered a habit of mine when it comes to reading.  I tend to read the first chapter and then flip through to somewhere in the middle and skim a page and then, more often than not, flip to the last page and read it.  Yes, I realize this is horrible.  It usually ruins any suspense for me, as it did when I recently read The Luxe.  It's usually then very difficult for me to read straight through the rest of the book, though I force myself to do it.  And rather than just enjoying the story I am constantly trying to figure out how they get from where they are to where they end up.

This afternoon I had an epiphany while talking to Rebecca about what I think is a God idea....  I try to do that with my life.  Rather than just enjoy the ride I'm always trying to read the last page and then figure out how I get there.  I put these expectations on everyone and everything, and the fact of the matter is, it usually leads to disappointment.  Part of my personality is to structure things, figure out how they work and make things that don't work, work.  However, you can't do that with God.  Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen.  Faith is not figuring out how God is going to do it, it is simply trusting, believing that He will. 

When I'm trying to figure out how things are going to happen my eyes aren't on God, they are on the circumstances.  Doubt, unbelief, hope deferred and disappointment come from looking at the circumstances.  Faith comes from looking at God. 

I know this may all seem simple, but somehow this has really rocked my heart this afternoon.  God has graciously spoken some things to me, given me a glimpse at the last page if you will, but rather than enjoying the ride to it's fulfillment I've tried to analyze how it's going to happen.  And when it's going to happen.  And what will be said.  And who will say something first.  And what the other person is thinking......  and on and on and on.  All the while God is saying, "I've got it all figured out.  If you'll just chill out and enjoy the story, we'll get there." 

Sometimes I wonder how one girl can have so many trust issues!  Yes, I mean me!  They just keep surfacing, and surfacing, and surfacing.  The irony is that I wrote a song called, I Put My Trust in You!  There are days when I can almost hear an audible voice saying, "Hey, Kara!  Remember that song you wrote?  When are you going to REALLY mean it?"  Obviously it was a faith statement, a declaration that I would put all of my trust in Him!

This morning on the way to the gym Rebecca was telling me how for years she has prayed before going to bed for God to help her get up in the morning.  And consequently for years when the alarm went off she grumbled and hit snooze, repeatedly.  Until today...  See, I leave to go to the gym at 5:45am.  Before dragging my tired self out of bed this morning I was checking Facebook on my phone.  (I do realize that may mean I have a slight FB addiction if I check it before I get out of bed.)  When I was reading through I saw that Rebecca was already up and had posted a status update.  Shocked this further prompted me to get out of bed and get ready to go.  She later told me she had been up since about 3am.  Wide awake, thinking it was 8 or so.  She told me on the same aforementioned ride to the gym that God reminded her at 3:15, when she thought she had gone back to sleep for several hours, what she had prayed for years.

Funny how we want to hold God at His word and yet try to avoid being held to our own.  I said, "Lord I put my trust in you.  I place my life in your hands.  I put all my hope in you and I surrender all that I am."  Not only did I say it, I put it to music and others have repeatedly been forced to sing it themselves.  Yet I have repeatedly tried to figure things out myself.  Tried to make things work.  Tried to arrange situations.  I wasn't trusting Him at all!  I was striving to get to the last page, not allowing Him to take the time to write a magnificent story.

So this afternoon I find myself with my apples rolling all over the floor... yet again.  Geesh!  I know God has big plans or He wouldn't take the time to work all of these things out of my heart.  Okay God, I surrender once again.  And I'm sure I'll do it again tonight when I get home.  And again in the morning.  And probably multiple times throughout the day tomorrow.  But I really do want to trust You with my life.  I know that you know the beginning and the end, it's the fact that I don't know that I get caught up on.  But I don't have to know, because you know... and someday I will really REALLY mean that.  ;)

I may laugh and then cry if I get to church to find my song on the list for tonight... it will be sweet irony, but it will be good.

My purpose in writing these blogs is more than just laying my soul bare for all to see.  Rather my hope is that you will be inspired to take a look inside your own heart and allow God to clean house so that you can live a better life!