Change...

Today I went to work late thanks to the pestering headache I woke up with.  Before going in I made a bank and Starbucks run.  My favorite Barista was there, but did not even say hello (insert pouty face).  I think that has something to do with the fact that there were lots of other employees there.  And I think the general manager arrived as I was leaving.  So Cute Barista (who really does have a name) may have been a little stressed... at least that’s what I’ll chalk it up to today.


Anyway, on the way back from Starbucks I had a thought.  As I often do I was thinking about relationships, and I realized something... If you really love someone enough to spend the rest of your life with them you should accept them just as they are, with every flaw and blemish, with no desire or agenda to change them.  You should ask yourself, “Will I still love this person, be able to choose loving them, if they are the exact same person 30 years from now?  If they never change at all?  Am I willing to live with all of their short comings of personality and habit until ‘death do us part?’”  If you can’t answer that question with a doubtless yes, then you might want to reevaluate the relationship.

I completely believe in personal growth.  I believe that if we aren’t growing and changing we are dieing.  However, for some reason, in a totally random moment, I realized what I am looking for is someone to love me just the way I am.  Someone who will love me with all of my inadequacies, extra pounds, moments of crazy, teenage-like blemishes, dramatics... the whole package that is me.  Someone who doesn’t have an agenda to change me, but accepts me just as I am.  Yet at the same time loves me enough to help me change when I’m ready.  Someone that’s willing to walk through those messy times when God sticks His finger on a hidden place, a weak place in my heart and starts cleaning and shoring it up.  

On one hand... I’m telling you we should all be picky when it comes to deciding to spend forever with someone.  Don’t settle for someone with major issues or character flaws with the idea that you will change them.  Unless someone is ready and willing to change it won’t work.  It won’t stick.  You will only end up resenting each other.  Plus, I’ve heard those flaws that are annoying when you’re dating become magnified over and over when you get married!

On the other hand... I’m telling you to decide what things are “deal breakers” versus what aren’t and have grace.  No one is perfect.  No one will fit the perfect mold.  No one will fit the sketch that we have drawn in our heads.

Not long after I pondered all of this in the car I saw the following retweeted by my sister, “The only three things a guy should want to change about a girl are her last name, her address, and her point of view on men.”  From all I can tell this quote is attributed to a rapper, Kid Cudi, whom I know nothing about.  (Don’t Google him, you’ll loose all respect for the quote.  :) )  That’s all I want a guy to want to change about me.  In return all I want to change about him is the fact that he sleeps alone at night, who cooks his meals, and what drawer his socks are in.  ;-)