100 Random Facts About Me

100.  Despite my attempt at having other favorite colors I always come back to pink.  I suppose I’m just a girlie girl at heart!  

99.  I like peach flavored things - peach cobbler, peach candy, peach flavored drinks.

98.  I love roses, but specifically I love unique colors of roses.  Not a big fan of red roses though I wouldn’t turn them down if someone brought/sent me some.

Thoughts on Prayer

I have a confession to make.  My whole life I have been embarrassed to pray in front of people.  I can get up and lead worship, I can teach, I can do a lot of things that require speaking in front of people, but praying in front of people makes me panic a tad.  I’ve always felt like I didn’t have the right words, or like people would think my prayers were too simple.  I’m not really great at quoting chapter and verse, but I can usually get the gist of it.  I feel like I missed the lesson on the powerful prayer formula.  

Mom Dream 5.4.11

WARNING:  This may induce tears... or maybe I’m the only one that it made cry....

I didn’t sleep so well last night.  I had a dream that my Mom was still alive.  But it wasn’t a good dream.  

Mother's Day Ads are Killing Me!

Months ago my very smart and long time friend Gena decided that she and her husband wanted me with them for Mother’s Day.  So we planned a crazy little trip that included me going to Baton Rouge and us driving to Dallas to celebrate my friend Crysta’s impending 30th birthday.  (More on that trip at a later date.)

I’ve wondered for some time how I would feel on Mother’s Day.  Would being away from home, with people that are very much family to me help me through it without any incident, or would it still be hard?  

Relationship Reset Button

Last night at church Pastor Jane was doing a recap of last week’s conference.  I always enjoy those because despite the fact that I worked the conference I didn’t necessarily get to devote my undivided attention to what the speakers were saying.  But this isn’t a blog about what happened at last week’s conference.  It’s merely that a statement she made prompted a thought.. and that is the focus of this blog.

An Update on Me

Two weeks ago today I had a bit of a break down and scared quite a few of the people that care about me.  I had reached what I call a point of “critical mass.”  

I’ll spare you all the details of that dark evening, but I realized a few things after the fact.

My Wish List - A little birthday silliness!

As my Birthday approaches - one week from today - I find myself thinking of things I would appreciate receiving for my birthday.  Not that I actually anticipate, or expect anyone to buy these things... but I was just thinking about stuff I want/need.

Forgiveness... Is more than saying sorry...

Two simple words.... three if you’re too good for contractions or you’re trying to really make a point.  I’M SORRY!  Why are those words so difficult for people to utter?  It’s so much easier to say, “I’m sorry,” than it is to give a whole bunch of excuses.

Cry Baby... or not...

Please tell me I’m not the only person that can be provoked to deep thought by one conversation, or even sometimes one comment.  Surely I’m not the only person that this is true for.  

Well that being said a comment was made to me last week that had me thinking.  A friend asked if I ever cry.  I had just mentioned my Mom, but unsure as to the reference of the question I responded, “In general or about my Mom?”  Apparently this friend was not satisfied by the fact that they haven’t seen me cry about my Mom.  

The interesting fact is … I don’t cry much.  I actually did not cry at the memorial service.  I determined to keep it together because I knew if I cried I wouldn’t be able to sing.  My uncle almost foiled this plan, though he knew nothing of it, when he got up to read a scripture.  Something about men crying does me in every time!  However, when my Mother’s husband did his little sobbing stint I was less than amused.  I actually turned around, made eye contact with Candice and rolled my eyes.  (This only makes sense if you understand the whole story of what happened... Click Here to read it.)  

Have I cried over my Mom’s death?  The answer is yes.  I sobbed when I found out.  I’ve definitely had moments of sobbing since.  They just occur when I’m alone, and usually at night.

Remember my blog about being the girl that was always teased and picked on?  Well, I was also a cry baby.  So when I got picked on, I cried.  Do you know what happens if you cry when picked on?  You get picked on more!  At some point I realized I had to have tough skin and couldn’t cry anymore.  

Stifling emotions is never healthy... at some point many years later I discovered some tears are healthy.  I always hated when there was a really great worship service or altar call and everyone was crying, but me.  It wasn’t that I wasn’t moved, but I just didn’t cry.  On the other hand if I was angry and needed to try and confront someone I would cry.  Rather counter productive.  

Also, in regards to my Mom... I think about her all the time.  I miss her like crazy, but I don’t want to be “Debbie Downer.”  I know my friends love me and would lend a shoulder to cry on even at dinner or a movie if I needed it, but I need those times to “escape” and usually don’t want to cry at that point.

So what has triggered tears?  

• When I found the recording on my phone of my Mom wishing me a Happy Birthday.
• Reading her prayer journal.
• Finding my name written next to a scripture in her Bible.
• Remembering the last conversation I had on the phone with her.
• Thinking about all the times I prayed that God wouldn’t take my Mom until I had a husband to take care of me.

Today it has been two months.  It feels so much longer than that and yet like yesterday at the same time.  

Ghosts of Valentine’s Days Past

I don’t have a whole lot of really great Valentine’s Day memories.  My long stint of singleness hasn’t helped that scenario either.  But I loathe it a little less every year, and this year I really don’t loathe it at all.  I think I have some sick satisfaction in the fact that V.D. falls on a Monday this year.  It is therefore, tainted!  It can’t be perfectly happy and lovely because... IT’S MONDAY!  Though I personally don’t hold any permanent/long standing ill will against Mondays, I know most people do.  And... that is enough to make me not feel quite so bad about the fact that I’ll spend my Valentine’s Evening on the couch with Beaux... eating leftovers and Girl Scout cookies.

Putting Out a Fleece

Gideon was basically a nobody.  He was self proclaimed least in his tribe, which was the weakest of all Israel.  Yet one day he received a word from the Lord that he was a mighty warrior and he would be used to bring down the Midianites that had tormented Israel for years.  He didn’t receive this as a proclamation from a prophet in front of the entire people if Israel, or even in front of the leaders.  Instead he received this word from an angel sitting under a tree.  He was all by himself.  No one was there to encourage or support him.  He had to choose to believe what God was saying for himself.  As I’m sure many of us do when we receive a word from the Lord, he doubted.  

I don't have walls, I have a median...

I’m in Baton Rouge this week with Team Bohl, six of my favorite people!  The thing about seven people being in a three bed room house is that someone is going to have to share a bed.  Being that I am the only single adult in the house that leaves me sharing a bed with a kid.  I’ve been sleeping in London’s room and mostly sharing the bed with her.  Now I’ve been on many a youth trip and shared many a bed with other girls.  If there is one thing there is an unspoken rule that you should not touch the person you are sharing the bed with.  Not only should you not touch them, you should not cross the invisible median in the middle of the bed.  This invisible median assures you won’t accidentally touch each other in the night.  Well if you’ve ever shared a bed with a child, particularly one under the age of 10, you know they have yet to learn the rules of bed sharing.

Disappointment

Is there ever a point when it’s okay to be disappointed?  I ask myself this question as I fight feeling disappointed.  Part of me says my pending disappointment is irrational because I should have expected it.  There was that small voice in the back of my head that said, “Don’t get your hopes up.”  Why did that still small voice say that?  Was it God warning me against impending doom or because lack of follow through by others, or at least one person, has been a common theme in my life for 30 years?

Three Little Words

I spent this past Sunday afternoon with two of my girls, Ashley and Rebecca.  While we were out and about having a fabulous girlie time Ashley felt the need to tell us how much she loves us and appreciates us and our friendship.  It was such a wonderful moment and throughout the day we each kept saying, “Aw, I love you guys!”  

Bury the Hatchet

There's an interesting phenomenon in life – hurt and offense. There is a good amount of time dedicated to these topics in the scriptures and basically how to guard your heart and get over it! We are not permitted to hold grudges and offenses. We are commanded to forgive, let go, move on....

Integrity

Thursday night was the first meeting of The Living Room, a Bible Study at my house for those ages 20-35.  We're studying Ephesians and specifically started with chapter 1 verses 1-14.  Paul starts by introducing himself and then begins to get caught up in a bigger story.  One about God's blessings and the inheritance that awaits all of us.  Before we read this portion of scripture the study guide we are using gave an illustration of a bigger story overshadowing other things in life. The example was of a man who waited for a bus that was late.  He got irritated when he began to tell his family about the ordeal and before he knew it was complaining about the government and how soon there would be an election and he could vote for someone that would fix the bus system.  The issue at hand was the late bus, but the man's frustration over the late bus was overridden by the bigger story, his frustration over a government that he felt was failing.

WANTED: Mouse Killer

Last night after an evening of hanging out with the girls over at the Lovett house I came home and was unwinding a bit before going to bed.  I sat down to journal and catch up on the happenings of Facebook over the last few hours.  Suddenly I heard a ruckus coming from the bakers rack.

Blessed Beyond Measure!

Today I had lunch with Rebecca.  Okay, yes it was the second time this week and maybe I could still sit and talk to her for another five hours and still not run out of things to say.  I can't help it!  She's one of my besties! 

Summer Time!

Even though I hate the Florida heat there is something about Summer that makes me happy.  It must go back to all of those summers as a child and the fun and adventures they held.  It's been quite some time that I've been a grown up with a job that doesn't take a summer break, but I still remember those amazing days of summer.  Even when I had a summer job I still managed to enjoy every bit of my summer vacations.  I remember when I wasn't working I would stay up all night reading, watching TV, listening to music, talking on the phone and then sleep all day.  Summer in Ohio often meant it was still cool enough in the evening, and as it would have been for me the middle of the night, to open the windows and enjoy the amazing summer air.

A Day In the Life

I tend to feel this pressure to only blog about revelatory moments in my life, or when I'm struggling with and overcoming something.... you know in order to help others do the same.  However, back in the day when my blogging consisted of filling up my Myspace Blog or the Notes section of my Facebook or my Live Journal or my Blogger account I didn't care so much.  I wrote about any and everything going on in my life.  Now however, paying for hosting I feel like I have to make it mean something.