How do you wait for heaven....

Then the time came whenthe risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. - Anais Nin

It's little things that often remind us that God is listening. For days the desire for a boyfriend that would eventually become my husband and the father of my children, stirred in my heart as it so often does. I wanted to scream my desire from the nearest rooftop (we don't have mountains in north Florida) but shame told me that I should just keep how I was feeling bottled up inside. While blogging this afternoon I couldn't keep it quiet any more. Near the end I threw in that I'm tired of being single. I quickly followed it up with instructions to all who may read to save their preaching... I already know it all!

Last night I finally finished reading "Talent is Never Enough" by John Maxwell. I had been vacillating over what to read next. The debate was between a "fun" book, like Jane Austen or another fictional book from my roommate's library, or a spiritual one. Preparing to go to bed I put the finished book back in its place on the shelf (in alpha order by author) and started pondering again. I read the back of one book I had thought of reading when suddenly a thought struck me. "Do I have that Captivate book? I think the author's name starts with an 'e'." Sure enough in the "e" section was "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldridge. (Yes, I have so many books that I don't really know what I have.)

Before I even cracked the cover I got the sense that by the end many of its pages will be stained with my tears. The quote above was one of the first things to tug at my heart. The second was, "We feel unseen, even by those who are closest to us. We feel unsought - that no one has the passion or the courage to pursue us, to get past our messiness to find the woman deep inside..." Yup! That was only page 7.

Then Stasi wrote, "When we are young, we want to be precious to someone - especially Daddy. As we grow older, the desire matures into a longing to be pursued, desired, wanted as a woman." She then wrote of a young woman who asked, "Why am I so embarrassed of the depth of my desire for this?" Stasi went on to write, "We were talking about her life as a single woman, and how she love her work but would much rather be married. 'I don't want to hang my life on it, but still, I yearn.' Of course. You're a woman."

WOW! There was such freedom in that. There's NO SHAME in my desiring a husband, a life-long best friend and co-adventurer. God made me to desire to love and be loved.

The lyrics to Born to Fly are all that came to mind when titling this blog:

I've been telling my dreams to the scarecrow
About the places that I'd like to see
I say, "Friend do you think I'll ever get there?"
Oh, and he just stands there smiling back at me

So, I confess my sins to the preacher
About the love I've been praying to find
Is there a brown eyed boy in my future?
He says, "Girl you've got nothing but time."

But how do you wait for heaven?
And who has that much time?
And how do you keep your feet on the ground
When you know
That you were born to fly?

**Please excuse any errors. I typed this entire entry from my cell phone!**