Walk It Out....

My blog has been silent for almost a month.  It's not that I haven't had things to say, or even tried to construct a blog.  On the contrary, I've attempted two.  However, I never got to the point of finishing either one.  In fact I have a whole list of blogs that I would like to write, but they haven't come together yet.  Here's a thing to understand about my blogging process.  Some come easily.  I sit down and it is as if the words flow directly through my fingers to the page with little effort.  Then there are the times when I labor to collect the myriad of thoughts going through my mind into one cohesive flow.  It's the latter that usually end up being really great, but possibly taking months to write.  For instance my blog "Whatever It Takes" was six months in the making.  Also, I don't want to make my blogs so long that no one wants to read them.  Sometimes there are just so many things I want to say on a subject that it overwhelms me.  I've thought of breaking those things up into a series, but then that overwhelms me.

Here's what's been going on in my life over the last month - At the beginning of the message on Sunday, January 17th one of the elders of our church, who was ministering that morning, called me out and said God had told him that my husband was "very close."  The irony of this was that I was not in the sanctuary at the moment.  I was in teaching the Jr. High, though everyone thought I was in the video room watching service from there.  This was followed by quite a display of cheering and applauding by people who obviously love me and have been waiting for my big day to come.  I later got a copy of the service, and found great amusement in everyone's reactions.  The most amazing thing about this is just the night before I said, "God I really need to hear something, anything."

A couple weeks later at the beginning of a conference one of our ministers came up to me and said, "I had a weird dream about you last night.  I dreamed I was at your wedding."  I was shocked and delighted.  God will confirm everything, and here he was confirming.  A few days later I had a dream that it was my wedding day.  (Total side note: I'm watching Food Network Challenge and they are making Sesame Street cakes. These things look SO realistic!)  And the day after that I was having lunch with two of my favorite people who were in for the conference when they mentioned what a big day it would be at CI when I get married.  This conversation was particularly interesting to me because we've never had that kind of conversation in the 11 years that I have known them.  It was just further confirmation for me that God really is moving on my behalf, and probably quickly.

The question is, however, what do you do with a word from God that is confirmed over and over?  How do you walk it out, especially when it is something as important, and sensitive, as marriage?  I mean, "very close" could, and probably does, mean something totally different to me than it does to God.  Well let me first tell you that as encouraging as all of it has been it has also been a great struggle.  There are days that despite knowing that God has said this, knowing that I know, that I know that He has a plan that He will bring about in His perfect timing, I doubt.  I worry.  I fight the urge to take things into my own hands. 

On a daily basis I pray that God will take away any feelings I have that would lead me away from His plan.  I want my Isaac, not an Ishmael.  I really don't want to take matters into my own hands.  And I know that if I do it will be disastrous!  My own song comes back to me on a daily basis, "I put my trust in you. I place my life in your hands..."  And daily I lay it at the Lord's feet.  I wish I could say I don't think about it daily, but the truth is I do. 

However, through this process I have felt more peace than I probably ever have.  I know that God will work things out and no matter how they look He has something up His sleeve.  He can turn things in an instant.  I also know that I have a responsibility to let God work out some further issues in my heart.  So I'm opening myself up to Him to work out the insecurities that remain, and make me into the wife that I will need to be. 

So all of this has stirred up lots of things that I would like to blog about, but getting the thoughts broken down in a presentable way has been more challenging.  However, they will come! 

I'm hopeful!  I know God is working it all out, and I look forward to sharing it all with you as it unfolds!