What it Takes

There’s something that has been rolling around in my mind for quite sometime – pursuit. By pursuit I mean the art of a man wooing a woman with the intent of winning her heart and marrying her. Unfortunately, thanks to the feminist movement, we don’t see much of this anymore. Girls have become more aggressive and guys passive. No wonder we question so often who wears the pants in a relationship.


Personally I’m not one of those girls who can throw themselves at a guy, and when I have tried it has been an epic fail! Call me a girl, but I want the fairy tale. I want a guy to pursue me, to sweep me off of my feet, to go to any length to win my heart. The interesting thing is… this is how it was intended. According to the authors of Wild at Heart and Captivating, guys are created for a battle to fight, an adventure to live and a beauty to rescue. Girls are created to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in an adventure and to unveil beauty.

It’s been a long time… LONG time, since I’ve been in a relationship. However, this time has provided me plenty of opportunities to observe other relationships and decide what I’m holding out for. I will say it again – I want to be pursued. I am worth too much, I am too valuable to just toss myself before would be swine. I want to be romanced, and I want to be the treasure that some guy has sought hard after. One of my favorite quotes is, “A woman should be so hidden away in God’s heart that a man must search His heart to find her.”

So, what exactly does pursuit look like? Well, as I thought about this I was reminded of something my high school youth pastor used to say, “You can’t place a demand on someone until you have invested in them.” Though he was talking about leadership placing a demand on followers, I believe this is true, or should be true, in any relationship. You have to invest time, attention, money and energy… or rather you should!

If a man were to ask for a handbook to pursue me I would tell him the following, “To win my heart you have to put forth some effort. Push past my walls! Take my attention, yet lack of flirting, as an invitation and a challenge. I won’t throw myself at you, but if you make an investment I will respond. (And if I’m not interested I’ll let you know early on. I won’t lead you on.)

“Make time for me, take the time to do things with and for me. Buy me flowers, buy my dinner, take me to a movie. Pick me up with Starbucks waiting for me in the car. Listen when I talk! Compliment me. (This is big for me as words of affirmation are my #1 love language.) Pray with me, and for me. Hold me accountable yet give me grace!

“In return, I will cook for you, take care of you, honor you, encourage you, play a part in your adventure, save you money, watch football with you, sing to you and love you.”

Ladies, don’t sell yourselves short! You deserve to be pursued. You deserve a man that wants you and is willing to fight for you. I’ve heard so many times that everything changes when a guy finds a girl and really falls in love with her. The stingiest guy starts shelling out cash for his special girl. The busiest guy makes changes to make time for the woman he’s trying to woo. Guys clean up, soften up and work out to make an impression on a girl that they just can’t live without. So don’t settle for your man doing anything less than everything to win you. It’s hard to accept that maybe we’re not that person to a guy we think is just fabulous, but if he’s not “the one” then there is someone better. And each of us deserves the best for us.

Guys, I’m going to put this as nicely as possible… STOP BEING PANSIES! And stop being led around by your hormones. Don’t just settle for the girl that throws herself at your feet and strokes your ego! Go for the gold! MAN UP! If a girl wants to be pursued by you she will let you know. Every girl wants to be pursued; it’s just that some don’t know how to wait for you to do it. I know we seem complicated, but we’re really not as complicated as you think. If you pay a little bit of attention you can figure out if a girl truly wants to just be your friend, or if she is opening the door to pursue her. Even if you can’t tell, don’t be afraid to try. Courage isn’t the absence of fear. It’s going ahead even when you are afraid.

One final thought, and then a song (because it wouldn't be my blog without a song).... Two dear friends of mine, Jorge and Kristian, have what I consider an amazing story. They have been married a little over a year, and though I coordinated their wedding I only recently heard the story of how they went from "hanging out," to love, to marriage. They started hanging out with the group, and one day (okay maybe not that easy, but for the sake of time) Jorge realized he liked Kristian. Despite some obstacles, including the fact that she was moving away in a month he decided to pursue her. Now mind you, he didn't do this undercover. No, he was straight forward with her and let her know he wanted to win her heart. She gave him her list of reasons why it wouldn't work, including that she was leaving, and he said, "Just give me this one month. If you haven't fallen in love with me by the end of the month you're off the hook." She agreed but warned him, "I've never fallen head over heels for anyone, don't expect it to happen now." Most guys these days would run and hide with their tail between their legs after a comment like that, but Jorge took it as a challenge. He began to woo her. He took her on dates, bought her flowers, made reservations. He planned, he didn't wing it, he was purposeful. And it paid off! It wasn't easy. Kristian tried to break up with him three times. The struggle, the adventure of winning her heart has given Jorge an appreciation for Kristian that he may not have had if she had thrown herself at his feet. He knows what it took to win her and he knows what it will take to keep her, and he's willing to do whatever it takes to provide for her.

What it Takes
by Adam Gregory

What makes you hurt, what makes you smile
what calms your nerves ,what drives you wild
I wanna know, i wanna understand
What it takes to be your man.

Whats your favorite color, whats your favorite song
If i sing it to you, would you sing along
i need to know, i got to understand
what it takes to be your man

What you want, what you need
baby tell me everything, there ant nothing i don't wanna know
all i want, all i need is just you here with me
baby let me know so that i can
do what it takes to be your man

What makes you cuss, when do you pray
is your daddy your hero, what would your momma say
but i need to know, i need to understand
what it takes to be your man

What you want, what you need
baby tell me everything, there ain't nothing i don't wanna know
Cuz all i want, all i need is just your here with me
Baby let me know so that i can
do what it takes to be your man

What you want, what you need
baby tell me everything, there ain't nothing i don't wanna know
Cuz all i want, all i need is just your here with me
Baby let me know so that i can,
do what it takes to be your man

What it takes to be your man